When you’re dreaming with a broken heart
The waking up is the hardest part
– John Mayer, Dreaming With A Broken Heart –
Today my world goes back to the way it was barely three days ago, when I had yet to fully grasp the magnitude of my life as I currently know it. The last 60 hours, which seemed like only 60 seconds, felt like a dream — a dream I never wanted to wake up from, even though it was a dream I was never supposed to have in the first place.
But when I realized that I would have to wake up sooner than I’d thought, it made the unfortunate circumstances of my position all the more real. And I told myself over and over again that my own choices have led me to this, and I am happy with them, so I did not get to complain or be upset about it.
It makes me wonder: why do we get off the merry-go-round, only to get back on it when we least expect to? Why do we ride the wave when we know we’re in danger of getting sucked under, even though we took precautions and learned to swim? Why do we spend time with the people we care about, even though we know they’ll only be around for a little while, and being around them serves as a stern reminder of what we are allowed to have in our lives?
Because sometimes we know that we could never again be at this point — at this specific point — in our lives, and that bittersweetness makes the pain of knowing that it’s time to wake up worth it.