The end of this road

Well, here we are again. It feels like we were just here not too long ago, doesn’t it?

How did it come to this? How did we just wake up one day and realize that things weren’t the same anymore, that we just weren’t as compatible as used to be? And, most importantly, how were we going to move on from an impasse that was so crippling I couldn’t even wake up and stare you in the face?

I always thought that when I left the first time, it was because I hated the circumstances I was in: the place, the people, and the politics. And, indeed, that was a significant part of the reason I left. But even after I had come to a new place, with new people and hopefully less irksome politics, I realized that the problem lay not primarily in the circumstances of what I did, but more so in the nature of it, of what was behind all the things I never had any patience or regard for.

So when it finally hit me, crystal-clear and diamond-hard, I knew that I would have to leave you again. Not you, Corporate World, but you, Public Relations. I knew that I wasn’t happy with what we were doing anymore, and that I would have to take a huge step out of this bubble we had kept ourselves in for three years in order to find out if staying in the bubble was what I was ever meant to do in the first place. Make no mistake, it was a terrifying step, but one that I know now was necessary for me to regroup and discover what is most important to me when it comes to holding a job.

Again, this isn’t entirely your fault. I think if ever the cliché “It’s not you, it’s me” were to be overused it would be in the case of the relationships that have nothing to do with my personal life. You had a lot to teach, and I did learn a lot from you, but it’s not your fault that we live in a society that values adulation more than transparency, relationships more than efficacy, and politics more than polemics. Once any or all of that changes, the landscape of what we do would mean so much more than just bowing to the source of our livelihood.

We had a good run, you and I. Three years, and not a single tear, despite all the rage and frustration. Of all the lessons you taught me, the most valuable ones were to always, always look at the big picture before drawing any conclusions, to trust my own instincts, and to depend on nobody but myself.  You were the very first part of my journey into the real world, and these lessons I will take with me to what can be deemed a completely new playing field. Let’s hope they will save me from striking out again.

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