Spent Thanksgiving in Buffalo for the very first time this year. Not that it really mattered anyway, because wasn’t feeling very well yesterday and was definitely not in the mood to do anything except cower in bed.
They say that every Thanksgiving we should all be thankful for the things — good and bad — that have happened to us over the course of the year. And I always wonder, What the hell do I have to be thankful for? Two Thanksgivings ago I was thankful to have gotten away from home and made it to this country, and I was thankful for the friends who, though they didn’t realize it, were helping me get through the bad times I was facing back then. Last Thanksgiving I was thankful for having finally escaped the past and moved on, and I was thankful to see my mother again in Manhattan, if even for only a few days.
So what am I thankful for this year? So many things have happened, and yet am not too sure if should be thankful for them or curse them. Through all the battles and obstacles, heartbreaks and rages, I miraculously got out of them. Should I be thankful that God helped me get through all the hurdles, or curse Him for ever throwing them my way in the first place? I fell in love with someone who broke my heart in the end, but who taught me many priceless lessons in the fourteen months that we were together, so is he to be blessed and cursed as well? There are so many things that we are thankful for, but we had to lay down our lives just to get them.
I know what I’m thankful for. I’m thankful that after four and a half years, I can finally graduate and stop leeching off my parents. I’m thankful that I was able to find comfort in my music when at times I thought that nothing would ever lift me out of all the unhappiness. I’m thankful that I finally know who my real friends are, and that in their own little ways, they helped me get back on my feet. I’m thankful that after agonizing over my future, I can at least say I know what I’m going do now. I’m thankful for that unknown strength that was somehow dredged up from within me to survive everything, make my peace, let go of the past completely, and begin a new life altogether, albeit on my own. And most of all, I’m thankful that I’ve finally started to grow up.