“You’re wondering what this is going to look like — our life. I could lie to you right now: that’s how both my other marriages began, with lies. So I could lie to you right now; I could tell you there’s a chance we will warm to one another, maybe fall in love and live happily ever after. I could lie, but I won’t.
“We’re not going to fall in love, and that is a relief to me, because I cannot disappoint you. I cannot hurt you any more than I already have. I cannot destroy your image of me, or break your heart, or damage your soul. You don’t believe in me, so I have nothing in you to break. I am on no pedestal, so you’ve seen me for what I am: a filthy monster desperately trying to hold on to the last shreds of its humanity.
“You are a good person. I know that… I’m not promising much, but I will promise this: I may not do it well, but I will do my best to be your someone. So you’re not alone, OK? You’re not alone.”
Not only is this one of Cyrus Beene’s best monologues — and consequently one that belongs on Jeff Perry’s Emmy reel — it is also the only non-wedding-vow kind of wedding vow that would drive me to tears. And that is saying something, because God knows I’ve had plenty to cry about since I woke up this morning.
“I want Vermont with Fitz. I also want the sun with you. I’m not choosing. I’m not choosing Jake, I’m not choosing Fitz. I choose me. I’m choosing Olivia. And right now, Olivia is dancing. I’m dancing, Jake; I’m free. Now, you can dance with me, or you can get off my dance floor. I’m fine dancing alone.”
So I dance alone.
Olivia: I lie in bed every night and play our relationship over and over in my head like a movie. We meet, we fall in love, we can’t stop ourselves, we’re meant to be, I give up everything inside me, and then it stops. The movie just stops! I don’t know how it ends! It’s just me, waiting for a house in Vermont that I can’t live in and a man who makes me promises he can’t keep.
Fitz: I am not the bad guy. I am not the guy who lured you into some degrading… I am not the bad guy.
Olivia: I know that.
Fitz: You want this to be easy, you want this to be simple. It is not easy, or simple.
Olivia: I know that.
Fitz: So you can’t just stand here staring at me with dead eyes like I’m some… This didn’t just happen to you. I didn’t happen to you.
Olivia: I know.
* * *
I won’t lie; Scandal hits just a tiny bit too close to home these days.