Shedding a different light

“Your heart just breaks, that’s all. But you can’t judge, or point fingers. You just have to be lucky enough to find someone who appreciates you.” – Audrey Hepburn

“Do you regret any of it?” he asked quietly, as I slumped in the enormous executive chair which he had graciously given up to stand by the window.

I opened my mouth to answer immediately, heatedly, to say yes, I regretted every moment of the last five months, every shred of effort I spent on him, spent trying to fix everything that had gone wrong since I came back from my second trip to Singapore in June. And then I shut it, because to say all that would be a sign that I was speaking purely out of anger — not at him, but at myself — and not from my own true feelings.

“No,” I finally said. “I don’t regret it. Granted I might feel better if I had spent two months and not eleven waiting around for this one, but I don’t regret it. I knew what he was like, and I knew I stood to lose everything, but I wanted to take that risk anyway. In the end I paid a pretty hefty price, but it was worth it.”

He looked at me like he was about to ask if he could help me search for my marbles, so I continued, “You would understand. We don’t love people on the condition that they have to love us back. Things like that don’t have reasons or conditions; it just is. So I don’t regret any of this, because he didn’t do anything wrong; it was just something I chose to follow.”

His face changed and I leapt out of his chair. “I’m going to print the latest draft of the newsletter so you can bring it up to Her Royal High and Mighty this afternoon. You’re lucky you can sit with your back to the door; I’d be mortified if someone walked by and saw me tear.”

One thought on “Shedding a different light

  1. Matt

    Hi there. You don’t know me, but I was linked to this from your old blog. I don’t claim to know much, but after going through several pages here, the easiest conclusion that can be drawn is that whoever this man is, he is an idiot for not realizing how good he had it and for letting you go, no matter how noble his reasons may have been, and I say this as a member of a sex that oftentimes deserves its stereotype. You have just shown that there are people left in this world who are capable of taking the high road and being gracious about it, without placing blame wherever they can. A true lady.

    Reply

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