Searching for a door

“Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” – Albert Einstein

It’s been a while, hasn’t it? I don’t remember the last time it felt like this. The furthest I can think back to is about a month ago, but even then I’m sure I’m mistaken, and it has in fact been significantly longer.

It’s a phase, a pattern, that occurs maybe once a month and lasts about two or three weeks. And I think the last time it occurred was two months ago, but after that everything changed and I thought that things would get better, that I would get better.

And now here it is again. Almost three weeks into this Phase, and it’s beginning to wear off. It’s something I’ve seen so often and come to know so well that I can almost feel when it’s about to die down. And it’s begun to affect me more than I expected it to, but it’s my fault. I chose to go along with this Phase yet again, reintroducing my head to the same wall I’ve been banging against for almost a year, and yet thinking I could get out of it more easily — or at least less injured — this time than ever before. But nothing has changed. Nothing will ever change.

But no matter. Soon enough there will be no more phases of any sort. I’ve done enough.

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