I was going through my contact list in my phone this morning, deleting contacts whom I know I won’t need to speak with anymore, and when I got to the M section, there you were. For a moment, it felt as though time had stood still.
It shouldn’t have given me a turn, but it did anyway. I suppose I don’t really go into my phonebook often enough, because I don’t like talking to people, and the very very few whom I do talk to are already in my call log. So when I saw your name and number in my phone, and it broke my heart all over again, because you used to be in my call log too.
It’s been two years, and I can’t believe I still break out in a cold sweat whenever I think about playing mahjong again, only because my best memories of the game all have you in it. I can’t believe that we will never again be able to reminisce over our crazy work stories and plot ways to kill the people we can’t stand. I can’t believe that you’re not here to tell me in your firm, yet gentle, way that I need to do what’s best for myself, and start packing my bags. And above all, I can’t believe I’ve lived two years of this damned life without you in it.
I miss you every day, and I can’t wait to see you again. Not a day goes by that I don’t wish I could go to sleep and never wake up, if only to escape the madness that has dogged me for the past year, but I guess I’m not that lucky. So when I do see you again, the first thing I hope you will tell me is “You hold, I smack!”