Note to self

How did it come to this? What’s happened to you? Qu’as-tu fait?

You always had a good head on your shoulders. You knew exactly what you wanted and how to get it. You always knew what you could have stood to lose and the risks you were taking, but you also knew how to get around that and still in the end get what you wanted. But how did it come to this?

Was it because you’d been burnt so many times? Was that why you unconsciously took it out on the next person? You knew how it felt to have been betrayed over and over again, and yet you did it yourself. The inability to let go of all the past anger and hurt has in turn caused you to hurt the person you love most. You always tried to get past it, but what made it so difficult? In the back of your mind you always knew you could have done it easily, but what caused all the relapses?

After the last few months, you knew you’d found what you were looking for, but you were slowly throwing it away. Was it because it had come too easily, or because you thought you could always get it back somehow? Ou tu ne l’as pas aimé assez? No, you did, with your whole life. Then how could you have done this? You knew what you stood to lose.

Now you know where you stand, and what you must do. You did it yesterday, but you have to hold yourself to it to make it work. And yet, in the end, we all get what we deserve. So is it all too late? Whether it is or not, you know you still have to do it, for your own sanity and peace of mind, et pour ton amour.

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