More closet space

More closet space

empty closetFor the second year in a row, I am spending New Year’s Eve at home. By choice. And, as strange as it may seem to the partying public, it feels wonderful.

You may bring your eyebrows back down now.

Every year, on this day, I sit and reflect on the year that has been, trying to dredge up every memory I have of everything that has transpired over the last 12 months. And every year, on this day (and to be honest, in the weeks leading up to this day), I thank all the gods that the year has come to an end. I don’t think I’ve ever thanked them more profusely than I am thanking them right now.

This year has been nothing short of an emotional rollercoaster. I came to some unsettling realizations about the job that I otherwise love, and then decided that I love it enough to hold my breath and plow through. I was finally able to reconcile with the two friends I lost last year, when reconciliation has never been a significant occurrence in my life. I was faced with one of the hardest decisions I’ve had to make in a very long time, and only at the very last minute, thanks to the fear of entering the new year with it hanging over my head, did I finally screw up the courage to make it. I finally realized that what I wanted now, at the age of 28, was completely different from what I wanted at the age of, say, 25.

Sure, I will enter the new year completely alone now, going to sleep in a big empty bed, coming home to a quiet, empty house (the cats and my brother don’t count), but with that solitude comes the knowledge that I now have the freedom and the clarity of mind to take control of my life again and slowly regain everything that I have lost. And that gives me a sense of relief greater than anything else has in a long time.

It also gives me more closet space, which I am more pleased about than I care to admit.

So au revoir, 2012. Here’s to a better, brighter 2013. As I said some years ago, there can be nowhere else to go but up.

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