Make it stop

Am going to Syracuse later for the Chips’ ICCA Quarterfinal. Thank God Syracuse is only 2 hours away, so will be able to come home tonight, and after last weekend am not looking forward to spending that much time in a car again. But former director Johns is hell-bent on going to witness the Chips either ‘lose a placing without his leadership’, or ‘win a placing and be able to come back to Buffalo and tell others how it really happened’, so have agreed to accompany him to Syracuse.

Packing has come to a standstill. Am not sure how to pack certain things, or how much to really pack as am terrified that the shipment will not have arrived by the time am actually home, and am terrified that the shipment won’t even make it home. Will obviously have to spend the next week pulling several all-nighters to make sure everything is done by Friday, and after that will have to work on clearing out the apartment. Now that am facing deadlines, the days seem to be harrying by.

One of the things that makes it so difficult to let go is the fear of the unknown — the fear of not knowing where we’ll fall once we let go, how much the fall would hurt, and how we’ll recover from it. We’re afraid that the plans we’ve made might fall through once they become real, because no matter how much we brace ourselves for it, sometimes the real thing might not be what we had hoped it would be.

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