On Friday morning, I woke up to a disturbing sight: I had a spot on my chin. Not just any spot, but the kind that you know will cost you days of irritation and mortification until you get rid of it or it decides to go away by itself. And when I saw it in the mirror, I knew it was time to stop procrastinating and replace my magic stick which had run out months ago, and hope that the matter would be resolved over the weekend. But so far all it’s done is go into what seems like a sleep mode, where it neither looks like it can be removed or is about to disappear of its own accord.
What bothers me is not that I have a spot, but that I have a spot like this for the first time in years, since before I moved to Buffalo and Roaccutane took care of everything. Even after I was done with Roaccutane, birth control made sure that all was as it should be. And for some strange reason, it feels as though I haven’t dealt with this in such a long time that I don’t know how to deal with it anymore, at least until it gives some sort of sign that it’s ready to go, either voluntarily or by force, but not without the possibility of leaving a mark on a face I labored for years to clear.
When we are faced with a situation that we haven’t been faced with in a substantial amount of time, is it possible to not know or remember how to handle it anymore? Even if it were a situation that keeps repeating itself, but the circumstances of which are those that we haven’t had to deal with in a long time, would we be at a loss as to how to rectify it? Do we think of every way possible to get ourselves out of it, or do we just leave it the way it is and wait for everything to fall into place in its own time? For the most part we’re all right with just leaving it be, but when the occasional stab occurs — such as looking in the mirror and seeing that spot or the sudden flash of memory that we’ve been trying to stamp out — do we leave the knife in because we’re still alive and that’s all that matters, or do we pull it out and bear with the pain, hoping that in time, we will heal?