Gray is the new yellow

“Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it’s cracked up to be. That’s why people are so cynical about it… It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don’t risk anything, you risk even more.”

– Erica Jong

Have I risked enough? Have I really lost so much that I sometimes think I can’t afford to lose any more and still live with myself? All the mortifying meltdowns, each one deepening the grave I’ve been digging for a year, all those times I gambled my heart, lost, and gambled again, all the renewed vows I made never to lose control again. Were they enough? And if they weren’t enough, was it because I really hadn’t fought as much as I thought I had, risked as much as I dared? When it comes to putting everything down in black and white, am I choosing to remain in the gray area because I have yet to muster the courage to let it all go?

I swam across
I jumped across for you
Oh, what a thing to do
‘Cause you were all yellow

Coldplay, Yellow –

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