Getting the hang of it

Getting the hang of it

Have been home almost a month now, and have yet to get used to several aspects of living in this place:

1. The heat. JesusMaryJoseph, the heat! Will admit that am partly to blame for not being able to get used to it, as am so often bereft of the chance to step out of the house that when am out of the house am positively melting. This weekend is a testament to that.

2. The traffic. Manhattan’s subway system and Buffalo’s lack of traffic have spoiled me, ensuring that I never had to fight the inhuman kind of traffic that trawls the streets here every single day.

3. Even if did have to go through rush hour traffic on the I-90 or I-290, or even Niagara Falls Boulevard, at least the drivers were civilized. Here the drivers turn without signaling, signal too late or too soon, and will damn well mow you down in the process of cutting in front of you.

4. Movies here have subtitles. Had grown so used to watching them without subtitles that was a little thrown to see eight lines of them in everybody else’s first languages appear on the screen during Iron Man. And have just realized how distracting they can be.

5. The signal is on the right, wipers are on the left. For now am only driving with the right hand, for obvious reasons. Having the wipers fly up at every turn only increases the panic that am already feeling while driving.

6. The internet connection speed — or lack thereof. It’s very difficult to catch up on Desperate Housewives, Grey’s Anatomy, CSI, Brothers & Sisters, Ugly Betty, Gossip Girl and Women’s Murder Club (not to mention Dirty Sexy Money when it reopens in the fall) when it takes an entire week to download the latest episodes.

7. No matter how much I kid myself, I will always be 300lbs compared to everyone else’s 50lbs.

Side note: Iron Man was pretty good. Robert Downey Jr. was in all sense of the word hot. But oh, his car! As Stanford Blatch would say, “Mary, hail a cab!”

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