GET WITH THE PROGRAM, SHITASSES! (50 Things Girls Wish Guys Knew)

Maddi’s Facebook group
* 1. If you see us on the couch with a pint of chocolate ice cream, you’re gonna want to tread very lightly. We have been known to slaughter with spoons.

2. Get a degree. Seriously. Higher education is sexy.

* 3. When we go to a club with a group of our friends, we’re not going to take you seriously if you come up to us. Unless you buy us all drinks…then maybe we’ll give you a fake phone number and a smile.

4. Sometimes we get fucked up about how much we love you… this generally passes after a good cry.

5. Dance with us. Just once a night, and we’ll stop asking. We might even buy you a drink if you don’t make us ask.

6. Sometimes…we should just get off the phone.

7. We like to sing in the shower and we sound like Whitney Houston. Comments indicating otherwise are unacceptable.

8. Not all girls like being the little spoon. Your arm is heavier than you think.

9. There are times not to talk: naked time, Project Runway, and when I’m eating a brownie.

10. We cry a lot. And it’s usually not because you’re the shit.

11. It doesn’t taste good, and sometimes we just swallow so our sheets don’t get ruined.

12. Testicles are horrifying. We do that thing we do because we like you, not because we like them.

13. Gay men are fantastic, that’s why we’re obsessed with them.

14. Please prove to us that you can read by the third date: a menu, cereal box, whatever. That’s a very unpleasant surprise to stumble upon later.

15. ‘I’m really busy’ doesn’t mean ‘I don’t want to hear from you’. It means, ‘Please text message’.

16. We like it when you get all cute… and we know you like it too… we also know it doesn’t have to be in public.

*17. When we get drunk, we like to dance and make out and eat chips… keep your ladies happy.

18. If we feel like being domestic, enjoy the cookies. If we don’t feel like being domestic, take us out somewhere nice.

19. If other girls are bitches to us… we don’t like it. Stop calling us dramatic.

20. We think about you all the time.

21. Multi-tasking is fine. Just don’t do the phone thing and the Halo thing at the same time. We know we can’t compete and we’re cool with that. Call us back.

22. You look hot in hooded clothing.

23. Walks in the rain, kisses on the forehead and cooking dinner for us will get you everywhere.

24. No girl just wants to be your ‘friend with benefits’.

25. We reserve the right to hate all your ex-girlfriends.

* 26. I’m convinced I’m pregnant and obsess about it for a minimum of 24 to 48 hours before my period, even when I have no rational reason to think so.

* 27. Real men drive stick.

28. ‘Fine’ is never an appropriate response when I ask you how I look.

* 29. I’m scared of losing my independance.

30. Oral sex is your get-out-of-the-doghouse-free card. Manolo Blahnik shoes also do the trick.

31. You did something bad. I seem cool with it. I’m not. (See directly above.)

32. I own a Celine Dion CD, and I’m not afraid to use it.

33. We may smile and act like we don’t care, but we’re hurt. Try and show that you understand.

34. When I compare my flabby tummy to a kangaroo pouch, say nothing.

* 35. A man I love plans the occasional fancy-schmancy dress-up date and impromptu weekend getaways, and he buys my favorite candy in advance when we’re just going to the movies.

36. I’m very impressed when you ask for my advice.

37. When in doubt, go with the shirt that matches your eye color.

38. I like it when you tell me what you’re thinking, even if you don’t know yourself.

39. I’d so much rather you break up with me than cheat.

40. I love it when you wear sexy cologne. Axe does not count.

41. Not all girls masturbate. No, we just don’t, and we’re not lying.

42. Girls need food, water, and compliments to survive.

43. We like to orgasm just as much as you do… work on it.

* 44. The ability to play guitar will help to get you laid.

45. When we say we’re cold, that’s your invitation to cuddle with us.

46. Being able to make us laugh is so much more impressive than your ability to bench press.

47. Sometimes we want to ask for your advice in spite of our pride. Don’t make it hard on us.

48. Sweating is acceptable during sports and sex only. They do great things with Old Spice these days.

49. “I love you” directly after sex doesn’t count.

* 50. Sing us a song. You might be awful, but it’s beautiful to us that you try.

* not necessarily in agreement

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