For reasons wrong or right

Was just talking to an old friend from high school, whom up until about three weeks ago, had not spoken to in four and a half years. Never mind that it took only a week to catch up. Today he asked about going back to Malaysia after graduation. Had forgotten to tell him that have absolutely no inclination whatsoever of setting foot in that country for at least the next five or ten years, as am planning to get a job here immediately (if possible) after graduating in December.

As the conversation progressed, was faced with the harrowingly galling realization that the real reason for wanting to remain in this country is not so much as to work toward something, but more to run away from something — something that only very recently killed off any thoughts of going back to Malaysia. It was something to do with the past, but it now seems very much present, even though have been conscientiously ignoring/avoiding it for well over a month now. Am very much aware that for as long as am not back home, will not be faced with that problem.

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