Cross of the leap year

“There might be some loves that seem bigger than others, or more complicated, or harder to let go of, but there’s a reason they’re not meant to be. You cannot choose who you love, but you can choose how you love them. There are some people you can only love by not being with them.”

– Blair Waldorf, Gossip Girl

This will be my mantra for the rest of my life. This will serve to always remind me that some things, even though controllable at first, eventually slip out of our control because we just weren’t the ones who were supposed to control them. And this is the cross I will always carry with me, to never let me forget how easily, how weakly, I gave up on love.

After almost four years — and it was four years ago, in a leap year just like this one, that it all started — of thinking, and wondering, and regretting, I know now that it really is time to let go. To let go and focus on everything I have and be grateful for it. It may have been three years in the making, or three years too late, but I cannot lose another three years to this pointless nostalgia.

Not when I know just what you think of me. And especially not when the distinction between what I’ve been feeling and what I should be doing has become clearer than ever.

This is the cross I will always carry with me.

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