Category Archives: Life’s Like That

Shine on

kelip

Exactly two months ago, I started my own business venture. It’s something I never announced here, because I didn’t want the hype, but I mention it now because I realized that, like so many other new experiences I’ve had, it’s damned near impossible not to recount the experience that this has been thus far.

It took me long enough to get here. The idea for my own brand of accessories was given to me during a conversation about online retail businesses. And as the idea grew, so did my enthusiasm for it, although I had my doubts about whether I could make it work. But after some encouragement from friends and realizing that if I didn’t want to become an employee again, I would have to find a way to work for myself that would be more consistent than my freelance jobs.

So I launched Kelip. It was one of the most terrifying things I’ve ever done, and considering that I launched it while in the thick of the insanity that was my relationship, sometimes I’m amazed I even did it. For the past two months, my life has turned into something that I have absolutely no name for, because I can’t even bring myself to think about anything except how to keep the business going. But here are some of the things I’ve learned so far:

Patience is an art form. There is nothing virtuous about it. Nobody could, out of the goodness of their own hearts, look at an unending stream of WhatsApp and email enquiries and cheerfully, blissfully, answer every one of them. People have not failed to observe that I, of all people, am now forced to be patient with my clients because I am not, by nature, a patient person, and I have absolutely no tolerance for incompetence, inattention or stupidity. It takes a lot of deep breathing, eye-rolling and vocal profanities to get through every question in as polite or cordial a tone as humanly possible. And it takes only one day of operations to learn the value of copy and paste.

Know your market. This is relevant not only to what you are selling, but also to dealing with the people who are buying. It’s one thing to be promoting a business on Instagram, but quite another to be promoting a business on Instagram to a market who is on Instagram just to look at pictures and stalk people, because said market belongs to a country that can barely read (It is a tragic reality that Malaysians don’t read, because this is a society that places no importance on the benefits of reading). Therefore, it is imperative to understand the idiosyncracies of your target market in order to tailor your marketing ploys to their limited attention spans. No matter how many times you put your prices on Instagram, the masses will still come a-knocking to ask how much each item is.

Haters gon’ hate. If my years in public relations and watching my father run his businesses have taught me anything, it’s that practically everything that a public sees is intentional. When the (loosely-termed) celebrities post anything on Instagram and tag a brand or business, it is because they were either paid to do it or given a gift that they felt obligated to help promote it. I am one of the few who are fortunate enough to have friends in that position who were more than happy to help me promote my brand. This has led to a few people airing their opinions about the way I run my business, which I will admit stung for a little while, because these were people whom I regarded as good friends. When the feeling passed, I realized that it didn’t really matter if they wanted to judge me from their soapboxes, because they were, after all, just on their soapboxes. As a friend, herself the founder of a local startup, told me, “You will face a lot of backlash and a lot of negativity all around you — even from your own friends. They will question and criticize your business practices and ideas, but until they have it in themselves to do what you do, just hold your head up and keep persevering.”

There’s nothing like it. When I left my last job a year ago and decided to work freelance, I knew within a couple of months that I would never want another full-time job again. It may have given me a guaranteed source of income every month, but what it gave me in financial security, it took away in job satisfaction and emotional health. Now that I have my own business, however small it is, I know for a fact that I will never work for anyone again. The money tide ebbs and flows, but the one thing that remains constant is the knowledge that everything I do now is for myself, and I am accountable for my own business, not someone else’s. Owning and running a business may be the most terrifying position I’ve ever put myself in, but it has helped me find who I am again, at a time when I thought I had lost myself, I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.

chin up

All out of angry

let go

Some months ago I got out of one of the most consuming, toxic and destructive relationships I had ever been in. It was good for most of the time that it lasted, until mistakes were made that sent everything crashing and burning, and turned my entire life upside down. I suppose I had been naïve to think that it would end any differently, given the circumstances that led me to make said mistakes in the first place. But after many hours of crying, name-calling and unethical technological surveillance, we finally parted ways.

In the immediate aftermath of this breakup, my coping mechanism allowed for only one way: to shut down. I let him rant and rave and call me a slut on Twitter (“Whether I call you that or not, isn’t what you did what sluts do?”), I let him go all bipolar on WhatsApp by blocking and unblocking me (“Either I block you on WhatsApp now, or you stop sending me any more messages from now on”), I abided by his requests to only text him during business hours (“I don’t want to think about you when I’m at home and my mind is not preoccupied”) by not texting him at all. In short, I dealt with his petulant outbursts the way my mother dealt with my brother’s temper tantrums: by giving them the cold shoulder.

Now, months later, we barely say a word to each other, and when we do it’s usually not a very nice word. But on one occasion, when we had both acknowledged that whatever love had been between us has now clearly been obliterated, he asked if that meant we were enemies now.

That made me stop and think. My favorite character on Desperate Housewives, Bree van de Kamp, once told her spoilt, cruel teenage son that the opposite of love is not hatred, but indifference. And I’ve always agreed with it, because hatred requires putting effort into channeling as much ill will as possible towards someone. That was when I realized I no longer have the time or energy to be enemies with anyone, or to be cruel and think of cruel things to say and do to anyone, because nobody is worth making oneself so small and despicable for.

It’s something that I’ve had to think about a lot lately. I’ve had much to be angry about over the past year and a half, and that anger festers to this very day, but to what end? If, like in the prayer, God is able to grant the “serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference”, then what is all this anger for? My life is the way it is directly and indirectly because of the choices I made, and if I had been content to make them at some point in my life, surely I have no call to be angry about them now, especially not when so much of it has never been within my control to begin with.

This was made clearer to me two days ago, when I had reached the peak of my existential meltdown and I thought I had dug myself into an emotional hole so deep it would take six firemen with no collarbones to dig me out. I realized I was on the brink of repeating history and pushing away what matters the most in my life right now, and throwing away a happiness that I know could actually exist if I could just learn to focus on the very reason I made some of those choices in the first place.

So I’m all out of angry. Whether it’s a form of admitting defeat or making peace with certain unpleasantries, I can no longer afford to be angry. I know what I want and what I’m doing, and I know that as long as I keep my blinkers on and concentrate on the bigger picture that is so close within my grasp, the anger will pass.

But just to be safe, I should probably keep a foam bat nearby.

Faith, trust and pixie dust?

Don’t worry, it’s a Shallow Post Day today (for now).

tinkerbell

I just had to put this here because not only does it make me giggle every time I look at it, it is also one of the most accurate emotional depictions I’ve ever seen in a GIF, and it is the most accurate animated depiction of how I feel right now — all day, every day, from all the things that I have no business saying out loud.