“The comedy is over.” – Gary Oldman, Immortal Beloved

It’s finally happening. Who would have thought it would come so fast? And yet, what took it so long? Up until a few months ago, there would have been tears and panic attacks and feverish prayers for a miracle – or for a bone to break – to at least delay this from happening, but now there is nothing but… No, there is nothing.

Over the past couple of months someone told me several times to ‘pack my heart’. And surprisingly, I have. It was one of the most difficult things I’ve ever had to do, and there was a lot of packing, unpacking and repacking involved, but knowing for as long as I did that this day would come made it easier over time.

People used to tell me, “It sucks that you have to go home,” and I used to agree; dear knows that up until as recently as the last week in Boston, I was still wishing that I could stay on in this country. But now I know that it really doesn’t suck; in fact, it’s the best thing that I could have done for myself right now. With the past year being as excruciatingly difficult as it had been, going to Boston was a way of escaping everything, but even then I was always on the go because of the TEFL program. If I had come back to Buffalo and continued to fight for the life I’d always thought I’d have, I would probably have burnt out very soon, and decided to go home anyway. The difference lies in the state of mind in which I would be going home. I’ve done what I had to do, and I’m ready to move on with my life.

Shirley: My sister, my best friend. The strongest and bravest woman I know. Thank you for helping me grow up the way I did, for taking away our age difference, for not judging and crucifying me when I was making the worst decisions and the most heinous mistakes of my life, for renewing my faith when I had hit absolute rock bottom, and for giving me hope that I really can be the woman I want to be.

And I’ll take with me the memories
To be my sunshine after the rain
It’s so hard to say goodbye to yesterday

– Boyz II Men –

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