I spent the first weekend of June in Kota Bharu, Kelantan. Yes’m, I did. It was not how I would have wanted to spend my weekend, but a friend was getting married, and I had friends who were going, so I figured it wouldn’t hurt to go. That said, the original plan was to not go alone, but circumstances have made it so that I ended up having to go alone anyway. It wasn’t a complete waste of time, even if I did spend most of the weekend holed up in my room getting some work done, and it was a short reprieve from the ridiculous drama that has been my life for the past month and a half.
The weird thing about me is that nothing gives me perspective more effectively than some time away and a change of scenery — even if the scenery is not much more than four walls, but they are four walls that are very different from what I see on a daily basis. I may have only been an hour’s plane ride away, but for three days, I felt as far away from the current circumstances of my life as I could possibly be. And with that distance came the perspective.
For the past eight weeks, my relationship — and consequently my life — has been one giant question mark, made up of many many questions that I can never seem to get satisfactory answers to. “What happens now?” “What do we do?” “How are you going to fix this?” “What will happen to us if it works?” “What will happen to us if it ends?” “What do you want?” “What do I want?”
While it has been clear to me all along that what we both wanted was exactly the same thing, I realize that my idea of how to get it was just exactly that: my idea. I had fixated for so long on what I thought was the best way to deal with this situation that it was difficult for me to see it from a different point of view. A different perspective. Whether it really was the time away and the proverbial distance from the problems at hand, or just the fact that every time one of us is away it feels as though a part of us is missing, I came back from Kelantan with a clearer view than ever of what I want: the light in my life that has lit up dark spaces I never even knew were there.
But just for good measure, here’s what I really went to Kelantan for: