Monthly Archives: September 2013

Immortal Beloved

immortal beloved

After the premiere of Sex & the City: The Movie┬áback in 2008, fans were scouring bookstores and the Internet for the book entitled Love Letters from Great Men that was featured in one scene with Carrie Bradshaw and Mr. Big — only to discover that the book had actually been created for the movie (it has since then been made available to the public). But the one letter that Carrie paid particular attention to was the last of three letters written by Ludwig van Beethoven to a woman only ever known — speculations notwithstanding — as his Immortal Beloved. I’ve never really been one for exaggerated proclamations of eternal, undying love — verbal or written — but I’ve always loved the letters which I first learned about when learning music history, and even this one couldn’t fail to pull at the heartstrings.

Good morning, on 7th July.
While still in bed my thoughts turn towards you my Immortal Beloved, now and then happy, then sad again, waiting whether fate might answer us — I can only live either wholly with you or not at all, yes I have resolved to stray about in the distance, until I can fly into your arms, and send my soul embraced by you into the realm of the Spirits – yes unfortunately it must be — you will compose yourself all the more since you know my faithfulness to you, never can another own my heart, never — never — O God why do I have to separate from someone whom I love so much, and yet my life in V[ienna] as it is now is a miserable life — Your love makes me at once most happy and most unhappy — at my age I would now need some conformity[,] regularity of my life — can this exist in our relationship? — Angel, I have just heard that the mail coach goes every day — and thus I must finish so that you may receive the letter immediately. — be patient — only through quiet contemplation of our existence can we achieve our purpose to live together — Be calm; for only by calmly considering our lives can we achieve our purpose of living together. — be calm — love me — today — yesterday –What yearning with tears for you — you — you my life — my everything — farewell — oh continue to love me — never misjudge the most faithful heart of your Beloved

L.
Ever Thine
Ever Mine
Ever Ours.

Stop shredding paper

I’ll admit, I totally did not see this coming. I never expected the emotionally damaged and possibly Asperger Syndrome-inclined Will McAvoy to be suddenly hit by such a violent epiphany that it would actually drive him to not only make up with Mackenzie McHale, but also propose to her, in the season finale of The Newsroom Season 2. And true to form, he made the most perfectly imperfect proposal to her that trumps all those other wildly orchestrated bended knees.

Will: There’s a story about a little kid who keeps shredding paper, and his parents take him to all kinds of doctors to get him to stop shredding paper. And finally, they take him to the most expensive doctor in the world, who looks at the kid and says, “Kid, if you stop shredding paper, your parents will stop dragging you to doctors,” and the kid turns to his parents and says, “Why didn’t you just say so?”

The point of the story is that the kid could make himself happy, by just stopping. I think that’s the point. I don’t know, I’ve been trying to figure it out. But I didn’t return [the ring], because I’m in love with you, and because — will you marry me?

Mackenzie: Wait —

Will: I said, “Will you marry me?” And before that, I said I’m in love with you. That’s… that’s… that’s what I’m getting at. That’s the… I feel like I could do this so much better if —

Mackenzie: What in the fuck is happening right now?

Will: If, uh… If I… I don’t ever want to not be — No, I love you — I’m going to go back to that — and will you marry me? And let me just say, I really think you should. I think you should say yes. But no matter what you say, there’s no chance I am ever going to hurt you again. And no matter what you say, I am going to be in love with you for the rest of my life. There’s no way out of that; that’s just a physical law of the universe. You own me. No matter what you say, I will never stop —

Mackenzie: Yes. Yes. I’m saying yes.

Will: You’re saying yes?

Mackenzie: Yes.

Will: Thank God.

And yet…

I never thought I'd end up working in a mall, and yet here I am

I never thought I’d end up working in a mall, and yet here I am

The biggest lesson I’ve learned so far this year is, as cliched as it sounds, to never say never — or to not be so set in my ways that going against them seems an ungodly thing to do (even if it probably is). This year seems to be defined by nothing but never-say-never moments, and the growing dread that somewhere along the way, I may have bitten off more than I can get my teeth around. For instance:

I never thought I would be in a long-distance relationship with a man whose circumstances in life would scare off any girl wishing to settle down in her current lifetime, and yet here I am.

I never thought I’d actually love a man enough to even be in a long-distance relationship — or really, just a relationship of any kind, given how disastrously my last one turned out — and yet I did.

I never thought I would have the opportunity to go back to Europe — even though it was for work — and more importantly, cover BaselWorld (which I have yet to write about and will as soon as I can find a way to do so), and yet there I was.

I never thought I would find myself in a position where I was once again questioning my own capabilities, my self-worth, and my own principles on how to do my job and everything it stood for, and yet there I was.

I never thought I would actually leave said job, without even the certainty of a new one, because I was driven by the sheer weariness of having to deal with people who were simply not worth the headaches, and yet I did.

I never thought I would land myself back in the public relations field, and in the jewelry industry no less, and all because of someone with whom I have a personal relationship, and yet here I am.

So yes, this year has been teeming with never-say-never moments, and now that they are moments that have come to pass, I don’t know how I sat tight through them all without wanting to scream, cry or throw up. But I believe this year, more than I did in any other year, that somehow, some of these moments were meant to happen, although I’ll be damned if I know why. It’s interesting, and completely terrifying, and I can’t wait to see how it all pans out — almost as much as I want to crawl under a rock and wait for a sign that all of this will turn out all right eventually.

But for now, I’m here, I’m alive, and there are days when I never thought I’d make it. And yet here I am.