2011: Subito


[ih-pif-uh-nee] /ɪˈpɪfəni/

–noun, plural -nies.

a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience.

I don’t know how it came to me, or even when it came to me. I certainly never expected it to come to me this soon, but it was exactly the answer I’ve been looking for. And when it came, it was the swiftest and clearest flash of realization that I have ever had — which is saying a lot because I am known for my indecisiveness and ambivalence when it comes to life decisions.

I never knew what the root cause of the problem was. I used to think it was the place, the environment, the people, maybe even the politics. But then it dawned on me: it’s the very nature of what I do, of what is behind all the things I never had patience or respect for that I’ve never liked, and that has had me questioning everything around me.

And now that it has hit me, now that I know in my very bones that I really do not want to do this anymore, to continue this demeaning, unrewarding and unfulfilling way of life that I’ve done for the last few years, the heaviest anchor could not stop me from forcing my way out of it. I’ve spent too much of my life doing what people thought was right for someone like me, and it has gotten me nowhere, and I am truly, finally done with it.

This was my epiphany, and I think it is proof of what they say: there is a time for everything, and for possibly the first time in my life, I know that that time is now.


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